


"...IS HE TALL?"

by Red_City



Series: First of all, you're wrong. [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Alternate Universe - Police, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Awesome Sheriff Stilinski, Cute, Deputy Derek Hale, Derek gets flustered, Derek is actually maybe happy, First Meetings, Fluff, Grad Student Stiles Stilinski, M/M, Maybe I'll turn this into a series, Party, Police Officer Derek, Stiles Flirts, Stiles is mistaken, and it's fking cute okay, but not really, references, spoliers: derek is not a stripper, stiles thinks derek is a stripper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-18 05:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3557378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_City/pseuds/Red_City
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I am here to investigate a call we received at the station. I am not a stripper. Stop saying that or I will arrest you.”</p><p>“As appealing as a situation involving you and handcuffs sound, arresting me is not gonna go over that well, and what supposed call are you investigating? An emergency in my pants?” Stiles smirked and Derek hated him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"...IS HE TALL?"

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [\- ...Он большой?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5627863) by [Nymphalidae_Danainae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nymphalidae_Danainae/pseuds/Nymphalidae_Danainae)



> my sib and i were on a mini road trip and started talking sterek and this happened

Deputy Derek Hale parked his car in front of the unassuming house, taking a look around before opening the door and getting out. Ms. Abernashy from down the street had called - again - claiming there was some sort of demonic ceremony going on at this address, and while Derek didn’t believe that for a second, the one time Ms. Abernashy’s call had broken up a meth lab kept the station checking out her weekly calls about crazed murderers and government conspiracies. 

There was music coming from inside, but not loud enough to warrant a warning, and voices were talking and laughing. “Don’t, DON’T -” someone yelled before there was a loud crash, and Derek tensed, but the cacophony of laughter following made him relax. He knocked three times in succession on the door, not bothering to lift the aviators from his face. There was a scuffle sound, but the door didn’t open, so he knocked again. 

“Shit, hold on, hold on,” a voice said, and the the door swung open, and before Derek even opened his mouth to introduce himself, the voice said, 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

There was a youngish looking guy holding onto the handle of the door, leaning a little bit past the door frame, and he was. Something. Beautiful was the word that came to mind, but Derek was loathe to admit it. The guy was making an annoyed expression at Derek, though, which probably should not be adorable but WAS. He opened his mouth again to explain, but was cut short by the guy turning his head to yell behind him, completely disregarding Derek.

“SCOTT! WHAT THE HELL, MAN, YOU PROMISED!”

“WHAT?” Another voice came from inside the house, presumably Scott. “PROMISED WHAT? WHO IS IT?”

“COME ON MAN, YOU PROMISED NO STRIPPERS.”

Derek felt his eyes widen, and his face surely flushed. He took a step backwards, and the guy was turning back towards him.

“I am so sorry about this, dude, my friend is an idiot. I can pay you for the time it took to get out here, but we won’t be -”

“I DIDN’T ORDER A STRIPPER, I PROMISED YOU I WOULDN’T!” The other guy, Scott, yelled from inside. 

“I am not a stripper,” Derek finally managed to blurt, crossing his arms in front of him. 

“Ha. Yeah right,” the guy said to Derek, and turned again to yell inside. “YEAH RIGHT, SCOTTY, I CAN TELL WHEN YOU’RE LYING EVEN WHEN I CAN’T SEE YOU!”

Derek glared at the guy, his appealing appearance now secondary to Derek’s annoyance. 

“I am a deputy of the Beacon Hills Police Department, and I am here because one of the neighbors called in a complaint.”

“Wow, you’re good. Like I almost believe you. But there is no way in hell you are a real cop, you are way too gorgeous,” he said, and turned again to yell. “AND WHAT’S WITH THE COP UNIFORM, MAN, YOU KNOW I THINK THAT’S WEIRD. WHY DIDN’T YOU GO FOR A FIREMAN OR SOMETHING?”

“I ORDERED NO STRIPPER COPS, STILES, I SWEAR!” Scott yelled back.

Derek knew he was blushing again, so to down play it, he dropped his face to look down towards his belt, where his badge was hanging. He unclipped it and lifted it to show the guy - Stiles, apparently. 

The guy- Stiles - took it right out of his hand, and Derek opened his mouth to protest, but was bulldozed again. 

“Dude, you are SERIOUSLY into your job. You’ve even got the little leaves at the bottom, holy shit this looks so real.”

Derek frowned deeper, unsure as to how this person would know the intricacies of the BHPD badges, but instead of asking snatched his badge back and clipped it back to his belt. 

“It IS real, sir, if you don’t mind, it’s rather insulting that you don’t believe me. Is it really more likely for a stripper to show up instead of a cop?” Derek asked, crossing his arms again.

“Ha. Yes. You don’t even know the irony of that. And looking like you? With those biceps? Which are incredibly impressive by the way, like hot damn you are gorgeous, but yes. Stripper. Not a cop.”

“I am here to investigate a call we received at the station. I am not a stripper. Stop saying that or I will arrest you.”

“As appealing as a situation involving you and handcuffs sound, arresting me is not gonna go over that well, and what supposed call are you investigating? An emergency in my pants?” Stiles smirked and Derek hated him. 

“Ms. Abernashy thinks you are performing demonic rituals.”

“Ms. Abernashy NEEDS a demonic ritual to get rid of the stick up her ass, and how the hell do you know my neighbors? That’s kinda extensive knowledge for a stripper. Like borderline creepy.”

Derek gritted his teeth. “I am not. A. Stripper.”

“Okay, okay,” Stiles said, waving his distractingly manly hands in front of him, “How about I prove you’re not a cop.”

Derek leaned back on his heels. “And how do you proposed to do that?”

Stiles winked - fucking WINKED at him - and turned to yell at Scott again. 

“YO, SCOTTY!”

“YEAH!”

“CAN YOU CALL MY DAD AND ASK HIM IF HE HAS A DEPUTY -” Stiles turned again to look at Derek, fingering the tag on his chest, and lingering a little too long. “D. HALE?” 

“Your dad - how - who is your dad?” Derek asked, confused. 

“Sheriff Stilinski,” Stiles answered without turning his head, still waiting on Scott. 

“What?!” Derek asked, and Stiles weird cop jokes made more sense. “I didn’t reali-”

“What does the D stand for?” Stiles cut him off. 

“What do you think?”

Stiles faced him once more, a mischievous grin on his face that made Derek want to swallow his words. 

“Derek, Derek, it’s Derek. Hale. Derek Hale.” 

“Derek Hale - I’ve heard that somewhe-”

“STILES!” Scott interrupted them. 

“YES!”

“YOUR DAD SAYS YES.”

Stiles visibly blanches at that, all bravado gone. 

“UH,” He yells to Scott, and now Derek is the one smirking, self-satisfied. “DEREK HALE IS HIS DEPUTY?”

There was a moment of silence, and then Scott yelled back. “YES? WHY DO YOU ASK, HE WANTS TO KNOW.”

“...IS HE TALL?” Stiles asks, obviously grasping at straws here. 

A third voice piped up - a girl, saying “Is he hefty? Is he coming back?” To which there was a burst of laughter. 

A pause, and then, “YES. TALL, DARK HAIR, WORKS OUT. DO YOU -” Scott then started laughing. “YOUR DAD WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU WANT HIM TO SET YOU UP! I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU WERE LOOKING FOR A BOYFRIEND SO SOON AFTER MOVING HOME!”

Stiles was the one blushing now, and he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. Derek was smiling smugly at him for a second, and then remembered himself. 

“So,” he started, and Stiles just coughed, looking at the floor. “Now that we have established that I am, in fact, a cop, NOT a stripper, and after you assure me that there are no demonic goings-on in this house, I’ll be on my way, Mr. Stilinski.”

“Uh, yeah, sure, no demonic things up in here, we’re just -” Stiles looks back up at him. “I just got home from grad school, and Scott threw me a party, sorry if we’re too loud, I’ll tell -”

“No need. Enjoy yourself. And welcome home.”

“Heh, yeah, uh, thanks,” Stiles said, ducking his head again. Derek was fascinated by the juxtaposition of the two personalities within him - shouting, brave and bright, and subdued, embarrassed and floundering. 

“Have a nice day,” Derek said, and turned to leave, walking down the steps. Before he made it to his car, though, he turned, and finding Stiles still watching him, smiled. 

“I’m usually at the station Monday through Thursday til 4, in case you ever wanted to drop by. Visit your dad - or something.”

“Or something,” Stiles repeated back, and waved. Derek waved back, climbing into the car. He stopped by Ms. Abernashy’s place to assure her her soul was safe for today, and then went back to the station. 

The sheriff smirked at him when he entered, and Derek could plainly see the familial resemblance, now that he knew. 

“Meet anyone interesting while you were out chasing demons, Hale?”

“There weren’t any demons, sir, but I did meet someone that I’m sure could cause some damage.”

Stilinski laughed, and patted him on the shoulder. 

“He’s a handful all right, and I’m sure it won’t be long before he’s sticking his nose where it doesn't belong again. Also -” the sheriff paused before going into this office. “Also, Scott said to tell you that Stiles ranted about you for a solid 10 minutes after you left and his favorite candy bar is Reeses.”

Derek tried - valiantly tried - to keep the blush down, but by the way Boyd snorted and Stilinski laughed, he failed.


End file.
